The Rider Within
by Caya
Summary: A vignette. Hermione sets out to help a ghost, but things don't turn out quite as planned. Weirdness warning !


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Disclaimer : I don't own any person or place in this story, they are all JKR's (well, I suppose Lonely Lisa's mine, but whatever). No copyright infringement intended, no money being made. Props for inspiration go to Julie ... while this is not, technically speaking, a Tell Me Lies follow-up or related to it, the idea for this fic would never have occurred to me had it not been for the debate about finishing it on WIKTT. If I have stepped on anyone else's toes, let me assure you it was unintentional ... there are far too many great S/H fics out there which I never found the time to read *sniffle*, so it's entirely possible that a story like this one has been done before. If so, mail me and I will give you full credit.

Rating : Since restrictedsection.org said this was no NC-17, and they sure should know, it's R.

The Rider Within

I leaned against the balcony rail, letting my eyes wander over the lush landscape surrounding the castle. This place had been my little private retreat for more than two years now, ever since I had chanced to spot it on the Marauder's Map when the boys had activated it for some mischief or other. Wisdom triumphing over honesty for once, I had held my tongue; now whenever the need to be on my own for a little while became overwhelming, I had a little private spot. 

I sighed ... of course, Ron and Harry could have found me with the map, had they bothered to check. But whenever I was gone, they assumed I was in the library anyway. 

I should feel a little guilty for sneaking up here and not doing anything productive on a beautiful afternoon like this, I supposed. But then, what was there to do ? The exams had been written and while the results were only going to be officially announced next week, it was already an open secret among both staff and students that I had passed all my N.E.W.T.s with full marks, one of only eighteen students in written history who had scored so many top marks. My head girl badge would begin to flash should there be any trouble that needed my attention. Voldemort had been dead for good for over a year now. And even though the boys would never understand that, even I didn't feel like reading occasionally.

So what was there to do apart from lazing through the afternoon on my own ? It was not as if my presence was urgently required at a snogging session or anything.

A sudden, soft sound behind me made me whirl around. Had somebody found me up here, after all ?

But some_body_ turned out to be the wrong assumption. A translucent young woman was sitting in a back corner of the balcony, her face buried in her hands, sobbing quietly ... she did not even seem to have noticed me as of yet.

I couldn't help myself – my heart went out to that poor ghost, sitting there so forlorn. I carefully approached her, making my presence known with a quiet, "Hello."

Her head shot up, and she stared at me, eyes wide. She started to whisper, "I am sorry to have disturbed you. I will leave now," and started to drift away.

I quickly said, "No, please stay, you did not disturb me. I only ... I could not help but wonder what made you so unhappy that you came up here to cry all on your own."

She turned around, and I fought hard not to gasp ... now that her hands were no longer in front of her, I could see that where her ghostly heart should be in her chest there was nothing but a deep gash. She was looking at me hesitantly. "You live ones could not understand – today is my deathday, but I do not feel like celebrating. And I am usually on my own ... that is why the other ghosts call me the Lonely Lisa."

"Lisa ... Elisabeth ?" I ventured, and she nodded. I continued, "I did not want to disturb you, and if you want your peace, I will leave this place to you – I am sure you have come here longer than I. But if there is any way I can help you, let me know, Elisabeth. Oh, and I am Hermione."

She looked at me if she had seen me for the first time. "Hermione ? The one all the House Elves talk about ?"

I felt myself blush. "Yes, that's me."

Now that seemed to have sparked her interest, for she finally came closer again. "You know, there might be a way a mortal could help me ... I have had such a long time to think this over, and I think it might work, but I never dared ask a living one for help. But if you are Hermione ..." she paused for a moment, then continued, "Let me tell you my story. Then I will tell you my plan, and then you can decide if you wish to give it a try. I will understand if you do not."

I settled down, inviting her with a pat to 'sit' next to me. "Tell me your story, Elisabeth. Of course I will help you if I can."

**********

Snape stared at the three of us standing in his office. "You are out of your bloody mind, Granger !"

I tried my best not to shiver under the force of his anger and the icy presence of the two ghosts flanking me. "Why, Sir ? Elisabeth's plan seems feasible enough to me."

The Bloody Baron to my left just snorted. Snape, however, sneered, "Why ? Because it is illegal on more than one count, that is why. You could get me fired, yourself expelled, and these two exorcised ! And I would have expected better sense from _you_, at least, Baron."

The ghost looked at him levelly. "If that rigmarole gets Lisa's deceitful self out of my hair, then I would gladly take any risk that her plan includes. As for illegality, when there is no accusation, there is no judgement – and who should tell on us ? Were that girl," he pointed at me, "a Slytherin, I would assume she only pretended to agree with Lisa's ridiculous idea to rat on us for whatever grudge she might harbour against you – but since she is a Gryffindor, I am fully prepared to believe that she is, indeed, merely a bleeding-heart idiot out to make the world a better place."

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Charming. But then, what did I expect from the house ghost of Slytherin ?

Snape glared at the Baron. "That she is, Baron, without doubt. However, while these might be good reasons for you to risk your pale neck, you still fail to convince me why _I_ should take such risks. _I_ am neither personally involved nor a Gryffindor."

The Baron, unperturbed, uttered a single word. "Eighty-six."

Snape went so white that his colour nearly matched the ghosts'. "You would not ..."

The Baron looked at him calmly. "Do you want to take _that_ chance or are you going to get the serum now ?"

Snape glared at him darkly, but turned around regardless, heading for his private stores. The Baron called after him, "And make it the strongest you got."

When Snape returned, he was carrying a small, clear crystal vial filled with a colourless liquid with him. "Alright, you fools," he snarled, "let us get this over with. I am waiting, Madam Lisa."

Elisabeth turned to me, a question plain on her face ... _are you sure you want to do this ?_ I merely nodded, trying to look the part of the brave Gryffindor, which was not at all how I felt. She quietly told me, "Try to relax, Hermione. The more relaxed you are, the easier it will be for both of us."

I nodded again, closing my eyes and trying to recall all I had read the brochures my parents had lying in their waiting-room, those that advised about self-relaxation techniques and were meant for anxious dentistry patients. _Breathe ... slowly, deeply ... follow your breath ... in ... out ... you're warm ... you're safe ... breathe ..._

Just as I was beginning to feel nicely calm and relaxed –_hey, I should try that more often_– I almost got jolted out of it by Elisabeth coming into contact with my skin, which felt like an icy shower. Only the discipline gained through seven years of magical studies kept me going _in ... out ... warm, comfy ... in ... out ..._

Then suddenly she was _inside_ me, taking control, and relaxation or not, it was a horrible shock. It felt like one of those dreams where you _knew_ you were dreaming, and yet you were powerless to _do_ anything about it, as your body followed the dream's script no matter what your mind was busy yelling at it ... I fought hard against a deep, primal surge of panic flaring up. Elisabeth, whose mind was touching mine while they were sharing such close quarters, tried to comfort and calm me, but I felt her being disoriented as hell herself, being assaulted by sensory perceptions she had not witnessed for so long ... I felt my body wavering under her inexperienced leadership, yet was helpless to do anything from my present, passenger's, position in it as it landed on the floor ungracefully. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Snape smirking down at me ..._well, us._

Anger about his not even bothering to hide his mirth at our mishap filled me and replaced a bit of the panic. Now if only I could draw a deep, calming breath, I would feel better ... only I couldn't. I tried to get my need across to Elisabeth – and indeed I was rewarded with a deep, long breath. Irrational or not, that calmed me down quite a bit. And, it seemed, it did the same for Elisabeth, for, shaking at first, then with increasing confidence, she got up, reminding me of nothing so much as me trying to ride a bike again last summer after six years on brooms.

I encouraged her via the mind link we shared, and she made a go at trying to control my vocal cords. The voice that came out was mine in pitch, but not in tone, as she said, "Please administer the Veritaserum, Professor." 

With one last angry glance at the Baron, who seemed to watch the scene dispassionately, Snape opened the vial and let three drops fall on my ... no, her ... well, damn, _our_ tongue. Elisabeth swallowed hard, then turned to face the Baron.

He turned towards Snape. "How long until this works ? As you know, it had not yet been invented in my time."

Snape answered, "That should be pretty soon. Watch for her eyes glazing over."

And indeed, Elisabeth and I could feel a strange feeling spread out from where the drops had fallen. It was odd, not at all nice and safe like an Imperius Curse, as I had presumed, but more like ... well, being straightened. I felt Elisabeth unconsciously correct our bodily posture, and while I felt a little uncomfortable, such as wearing the equivalent of a too-rigid bra around my mind, it also focussed me sharply, the last residues of my panic vanishing without trace.

Snape spoke up again. "Here we go. Ask that oh-so-important question, Baron."

For the first time since Elisabeth and I had spoken to him, the Baron showed a reaction. His gaunt face became cold with fury; but then he got a grip on himself and turned towards us again.

Attentively watching Elisabeth's every reaction, he asked, "So will you admit now you betrayed me and lay with that bastard Malefoi ?"

Elisabeth answered without hesitation, driven on by the serum. "I did not, Henry. Malefoi never so much as got a kiss from me. I loved you, not him !" Out of the corner of my eyes, which were currently being kept fixed on the Baron's face by Elisabeth, I saw Snape shaking his head, exasperated.

The Baron's eyes went wide. He stared at us for a second, then turned towards Snape, new fury in his face. "There must be something wrong with the serum you gave her !"

Snape looked back at him calmly. "No, there is not. I know you were watching Barty Crouch's confession with interest, hidden within the wall, three years ago. This is the very same vial. She is telling the truth; whether you like it or not is not my serum's fault."

I had not thought it possible up to now that a ghost's complexion could become even paler; but pale the Baron did. Slowly he turned back towards us, managing to utter nothing but a whispered, "Elisabeth ..."

I felt tears threatening to well up, but Elisabeth fought them down, and kept looking at him, waiting him out.

He finally drifted closer, his voice still barely a whisper. "You mean ... I was wrong ... I ... did this ... to you ... to me ... for no reason at all," suddenly his voice became a roar, "but my own damn stupidity ?"

Elisabeth answered instantly. "There were no reasons for you to suspect me save your stupid groundless suspicions and your horrid irrational jealousy ! I never gave you any reason to hurt me so !" Realising what she had just said, she gasped, and stammered, "I am sorry, Henry, it is the serum ..."

The Baron looked at her with a sadness the like I had never seen before. "At least now I know this concoction really works, Elisabeth ... you never would have told me that so bluntly otherwise." He let his head drop. "I pierced your heart ... your poor, poor heart ... while it was beating for me, not for him ..."

I finally made the mental connection between the silvery bloodstains all over his robe and her mangled ghostly form, then wished I had not when images from her memory welled up in response to compliment my imagination. I faintly wondered if I could get sick if my body currently did not belong to me.

Elisabeth, thankfully, was understandably too preoccupied to take much notice of me. She took a step closer to the Baron, whispering, "I never let anyone else enter my heart, neither in life nor in death. Although I often berated myself for it during all those years I've been roaming Hogwarts as a ghost. But I could not let go of you, Henry, I never could. And not even your killing me hurt so much as your continuing to shun me all these long, lonely years." The tears that had threatened to fall before were finally bursting forth, and she started to sob quietly; the same soft, desperate sound that she had made when I had first seen her.

The Baron reached out to touch her tears, only then realising that she was corporeal at the moment and he was not. Helplessly, he watched for a moment, then without warning turned around and glided towards Snape, who was still watching the scene with an air of detached boredom. Before he had a chance to react, the Baron had entered his body.

Snape's arms flailed wildly and his eyes rolled up until there was only white to be seen, the two of them visibly fighting for control. But the Baron was not the strongest ghost of Hogwarts for nothing, the one that even Peeves respected ... a few seconds later, when Snape's body relaxed, then made a few halting steps towards us, it was very clear who was in charge now.

Elisabeth, startled out of her tears momentarily by this sudden turn of events, and I exchanged a few concerned thoughts, but I was dubious we could do anything to expel the Baron from Snape's body ... and since I seemed to bear Elisabeth inside me quite well after the initial shock had passed, I assured her that Snape would probably survive the experience with nothing but his ego harmed, which could use a comeuppance anyway. I was astonished by the uncharitable bluntness of my thoughts – that Veritaserum had really been a potent one.

The Baron reached us and hesitantly reached for Elisabeth's tears with Snape's hand, but she took hold of his hand and stopped him before he could touch them. He looked at her sadly for a moment, then let his hand drop. "You are right," he whispered, Snape's voice sounding unusually mellow, "I have no right to touch you. I wronged you so grievously that I do not have any right at all even to be in your presence. But," the mellow voice got an edge even more incongruous with Snape's normal tone, "I do not know what to do, Elisabeth ! The man I once was would say there is only one way to end this shame – in death; but how could I kill myself ? And my heart tells me to make it up to you, somehow ... but how can I possibly make up for having been such a hideous monster ?"

I could not suppress a thought of scorn – _menfolk. First he screws it up royally, then he goes and asks _her_ what to do now. It was _you_ who brought the two of you into this mess, Sir, not her, you fix it._ That serum really seemed to have a most interesting effect on me, I reflected – mum had been telling me for years to become bolder. I resolved to try and keep a bit of that effect.

Elisabeth, meanwhile, had an answer forced out of her by the serum. "I do not know how you could, Henry. All I wanted was for you to know the truth. But I do not know how to go on, either. My heart still longs for you, it truly does, but it is hurt so deeply as well ... will we be forced to wander the castle till the end of time now, knowing what could have been before you destroyed it ?"

The Baron shook his head, sending Snape's hair flying. "I swear, I will find a way to free you from this torment ... I have well and truly earned it, but you have not. I will find a way to free you, Elisabeth." Snape's eyes started to take on a dark sheen ... I supposed the man simply had no tear glands capable of producing genuine tears. The Baron continued, "And I know it is such a meagre and paltry thing to say, but I am really, honestly and deeply sorry for what I did to you. I never should have let a bright woman like you love a miserable fool like me, but I could not turn you away ... I was so very much in love with you ... I think I still am, I never stopped, even when I thought you had betrayed me. How could I do this to one I loved so much, Elisabeth ? I wish you had never crossed my accursed path !"

Elisabeth shook her head. "We had such wonderful times together, Henry, and I loved you so much, I find it impossible to regret all that, even knowing what was to come. The way you once looked into my eyes, held me close, stroked my hair ..." She paused for a moment, then suddenly burst forth, "Hold me one last time, Henry ! I know it is not a wise thing to do, and it will hurt us even more, but this will most likely be the last time we ever get the chance, and I missed your touch so much, all those long years ..."

The Baron looked genuinely surprised for a moment, lost for words. In the end, he merely nodded, and took a step closer to us, enfolding ... _ugh_ ... my body in Snape's arms.

Elisabeth slung my arms around him in turn, and rested my head against Snape's robes ... the considerable difference in height meant that we only came up to his chest. The Baron held her close, stroking her softly, and her mind was so abuzz with joy and grief and sadness and love and a dozen other conflicting emotions that I did my very best to make my own presence very small, not wanting to disturb an important moment, and to suppress my queasiness about the ways my body and Snape's were touching. Dimly I wondered how Snape was feeling about it, but then dropped the thought again ... there was way too much Snape way too close to me at the moment, anyway.

Elisabeth was still sobbing quietly, soaking the front of Snape's robes with her tears – _bet he hates that_, I thought with a hint of sarcastic glee. The Baron took her face into his hands and softly turned it up towards him, looking down at her with a sadness and gentleness that sat so wholly, well, wrong on Snape's features. Slowly he bent down, and it seemed he wanted to kiss her tears away. I tried very hard to suppress a mental shudder at the thought of Snape's lips touching my face – _don't ruin it for Elisabeth, she's had a hard life, well unlife too_ – but when they touched us, the sensation was soft and warm and pleasant and that surprised the heck out of me. The Baron kissed Elisabeth's closed eyes, taking up her tears, then slowly wandered further down, trailing his way with kisses – and for once, I did not need to keep me out of the mental way, I was so stunned and, frankly, fascinated, by the sensation of being kissed that I did nothing but watch and feel, being overwhelmed by the soft touch and the way it made the skin tingle where the lips had just been, how my body seemed to rise to meet his lips with mine of neither my own accord nor Elisabeth's, just by instinct, guided by the warmth and this odd, pleasant tingling sensation that sent shivers down the spine.

Lips met lips, and the feeling just exploded, spreading out like a blast of light and filling every nerve in me with warmth and pleasantness – and, I realised, desire. 

That should have shocked me – but maybe it was the Veritaserum's fault that it did not. Right now I could not lie even to myself – and this was great, this was good, and damn and blast the fact that those lips belonged to Snape, they did not at present, after all. I would not stop Elisabeth's doing at the moment anyway, not when she had had to wait so very long for it, so I might as well enjoy it and save the remorse for later, when I could once again pretend to myself that it had been an awful experience – oh dear, what _was_ that serum doing to me ? 

But the Baron kissed Elisabeth once more, and she pressed herself close to him, kissing him back, and my thoughts were banished by another wave of this wonderful, warm feeling that began to make me all light-headed and giddy. I felt my heart beating fast and furious, and my whole skin seemed hypersensitive, sending sparks of sensations and emotions into both our minds whenever Elisabeth touched the Baron. 

She began to let her hands wander across his body seemingly without thought, but then realised what she was doing, and sent an anxious thought to me. I tried to form a coherent thought, explaining to her that I wanted to give to her whatever I could, but having difficulties I dropped the concept and just sent to her how good I felt, and that she was very welcome by me to continue for a while. There was a little surprised thought, almost a mental smirk, by her in response, and then she turned her attention outwards again, beginning to stroke him anew.

The Baron, surprised at first, now responded in kind, letting his hands wander up and down our back, stroking our spine – _wow, I never knew Snape had such wonderful hands, they feel good; long, slim fingers, but strong, oh my_ – and then, hesitantly at first, brought them between us, cupping my breasts.

I gasped, then realised it had in fact been Elisabeth – but we were beginning to feel and react the same, more and more, as the Baron's hands slowly circled our breasts, cupping them, stroking and kneading at turns. Elisabeth threw our head back, moaning softly, and gave herself over, just as I did, to his ministrations. Both nipples responded to his touch, hardening, and he stroked the rough cloth of my robe covering them, sending a jolt of sheer ecstasy through our body. I was beginning to become so hot I thought I would melt soon, in more than one sense of the word.

This thought, for a moment, kicked my rational sense into action again. How come I reacted so strongly to a stranger's touch, in a body whose usual owner I despised, no less ? Despite some new realisations about my inner nature I had already made today, I was sure I was not some kind of Pansy, throwing myself into the arms of the next best male. Something was definitely not adding up here.

The answer hit me suddenly. _Hormones. The Baron's triggering a hormonal reaction in Elisabeth, and since we share the same body at the moment, they influence me as well as her. Plus our minds touch, and something's passing over, I suppose._

So that's how it feels when you are with somebody you're in love with, I presume. Hopelessly, completely in love. Head-over-heels, no-matter-you-did-that-to-me love. And here I thought I would never know that feeling. 

I supposed I should be sad that I could only feel it in such an absurd way, shared, as it were. But all I felt was relieved that I would have a piece of that feeling, too, no matter how – it might be that this was my last chance as much as it was Elisabeth's and the Baron's.

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And, I bet, Snape's first and only touch of it, too. Though I somehow doubted he'd perceive it as a chance, such as I did.

I turned my thoughts outwards again, giving myself over to the sensations running all through my body, fully intent to lose myself in them again, as I knew I soon would. But Elisabeth, sensing my returned attention, sent me an urgent thought.

__

Hermione, are you sure you are okay with this ? 

My answering thought was clear. _I am. You and Henry made me realise how short life can be. Go ahead and do whatever you wish, and I mean that. It brings you the joy you have gone without way too long, and I at least will not die without having ever known how it is to be loved._

A brief silence, shocked. But then, her mind touched me again, embraced me. _I understand. For both of us, then._

I felt a pang of sorrow that Elisabeth and I had not been born in the same time, and known each other as mortals. I could name no other person who I could have touched and talked to, mind to mind, with no lies possible due to the serum. We could have been such wonderful friends.

But then Elisabeth turned towards her love once more, capturing his face in her hands and covering it with kisses, and conscious thought fled me again as I was flooded with light, warmth and sweet, tingling desire. 

The Baron, who had watched us, just holding on, was obviously surprised, and his eyes searched Elisabeth's – I would never have guessed that Snape's dark, malicious eyes could hold such warmth and concern. But whatever he read in our eyes seemed to convince him, for he whispered, in a voice carrying both hope and pain, "I do not understand how you could still love me, Elisabeth, but I do love you too, I love you so much ..." and suddenly embraced her, pressing her against him fiercely, kissing her hair, her face, her lips, whispering sweet nothings in between the kisses.

Elisabeth clung to him, returning his kisses, stroking him, filling us both with joy and happiness, her sadness drowned in the flood of warmth that came from the sensations she had missed for so long. Wanting to feel more, in a fit of boldness she started to unbutton Snape's robes – and the Baron, after a brief surprised pause, did the same with mine, and soon enough the clothes went flying in a flurry, until we stood skin against skin, sharing warmth and touch and _feeling_, glorious _feeling_ –_it is true, not until you have been dead you know how great a feeling it is to have a skin and a mouth and hands, oh hands_– I could not have told whose thought that was anymore, as we touched and explored and kissed and stoked and my mind was so giddy and heady I thought I would faint with emotion, only I would not miss this wonderful feeling for anything in the world; and then suddenly we were all on the floor without having any recollection of we got there, and we touched and held and stroked, and opened, and a brief pain, but a sweet pain that only served to remind how wonderful all the rest felt, and there was filling and friction and oh my, such ecstasy, such tension and such warmth, and then it all condensed and suddenly went off in a flash of pure sweetness and ecstasy and there were all four of us, touching, four minds united in joy and closeness, and then – light ? forgiveness ? passing ? suddenly, in a wave of such pure love that I wept when it touched me, two of us were gone, and only two remained –

and suddenly, the connection broke, and I found myself lying flat on my back, Snape above me and inside me, his face inches from mine.

His face, having been so relaxed and filled with joy, hardened into a mixture of shock and fury within the fraction of a second as he pushed himself back from me, fleeing the touch, grabbing the next best piece of clothing to cover himself as he collapsed with his back to the wall, obviously yet lacking full control of his body. "I told you you were out of your bloody mind, Granger !" he hissed at me, his voice full of menace.

To say I felt like being thrown into icy water after a pleasant swim was not even beginning to come close. I just stared at him, numb with shock, the last traces of joy and warmth still lingering inside me, but most having fled due to this harsh reconnection with reality. 

"Good grief, cover yourself, Granger, I do not need to see any more of this," he spat at me, throwing some other piece of clothing over me. As I made no reaction to pick it up, he continued, "Or leave it, if you insist. Maybe it's all the better to convince the headmaster that you have finally gone too far and will have to be dismissed from this school."

__

That finally brought me back to my senses – further abuse I could have withstood, but my academic career was sacrosanct to me. Anger filled me, and I met his gaze, levelly. "You think so ? Star pupil found in indecent situation with teacher with chequered past, who do you think the Board of Governors are going to dismiss ?"

Snape drew his breath in sharply, too shocked for words for once. Finally he responded, vitriol in every word, "You could not lie if your life depended on it, Granger. And even if you could, there is still Veritaserum."

I gave him a sarcastic smile. "Sure, and as the last wizard left after the war who can brew this stuff, I am convinced they will let you bring some Veritaserum of your own make to your own trial. Sure. As for me not being able to lie, to quote the Baron, want to take _that_ chance ?"

I still was not entirely sure if I liked how bold and forthright I was under the influence of that serum. But Snape's scowl showed me clearly that, if nothing else, it was effective.

All of a sudden the hardness dropped from his face, and his look was nothing but weary. "All right, Granger, you win," he said, "if that is what you could call winning. Merlin's balls, Granger, you were still a bloody _virgin_, was your stupid notion of helping every imbecile out there really worth that much to you ?"

__

Oh damn, that was a question. Even as I realised that, my mouth was already answering, "And why not ? It's not as if it was in any great demand elsewhere."

__

Ouch.That had been pretty high up on my list of 'Things Not To Tell Anyone, And Least Of All Snape'.

Snape stared at me for a moment, dumbstruck. Then he closed his eyes, letting his head fall back until it rested against the wall. "Oh bugger, and here I thought that _I_ had a wreck of a private life. You're a bloody idiot, Granger."

I could not help but bristle. "I am not. I helped two people who really needed help, and even got a wonderful experience out of the deal. I fail to see why this is so idiotic."

Snape slowly shook his head, eyes still closed. "I am so glad that you at least had a good time while I was being mindraped. However, you obviously consented to the whole affair, and both your misguided helper's instinct and the moronic notion that no one else would want you anyway show you are indeed an idiot, Granger."

Something was odd in that wording – but yet, the insult was clear, at least. "What do you know of it," I muttered, more to myself. I could have lived with the concept of having slept with Snape –my body with Snape's body, to be more precise– but him knowing details of my private life which I much rather would have kept just that, private, was another matter entirely. If only my body wasn't still so weak ... I desperately wanted to flee these rooms and return to the solitude and peace of the Head Girl's quarters.

Snape, however, had picked up my words. He opened his eyes again, looking at me with an odd gleam in his eyes, somewhat like the malicious gaze he let sweep over the Gryffindors in the classroom, but not quite the same – there was some new, strange quality in it. "I obviously know more than you do, Granger. I, for one, know that six men –an airhead celebrity and a dunderhead prankster who are the only two people in the school who have yet to realise that they are playing for the opposite team, a braindead walking catastrophe, a flippant whisky-brain, a retarded head-in-the-clouds and a morose Quidditch-head– are not the whole wizarding world. I, for one, know that there is a life outside this school. I, for one, know that wizards and witches can live up to one and a half centuries and that life is not over at seventeen."

He closed his eyes again, letting his head fall back wearily once more. "And I, for one, would really advise you not to be here anymore when I open my eyes again. Use the Floo if you must, but get the hell out of my office, Granger." 

I nodded, not really knowing what to respond to that strange little speech of his anyway, and, groping for my clothes and going through them for my wand, lit a fire. Dragging myself towards the hearth –how strange to have to give commands to my limbs again, and how unsure my balance was all of a sudden– I took a pinch of powder out of the vase on the mantelpiece, and Flooed back to my rooms. I even made it to my bed before I collapsed.

I just let my thoughts run wild for a while, not bothering to put them under any restraint or try to enforce any order – I knew that would come on its own, anyway. And, in time, two clear thoughts indeed crystallised ... _And it was a wonderful experience anyway, no matter what he said,_ and _Snape was absolutely right._

Suddenly I burst into laughter, unable to restrain myself. _What an afternoon – I thought I could do nothing but laze, and instead a ghost teaches me about life and Snape teaches me about love. What is coming up next, Harry teaching me about planning and Ron about responsibility ?_

Crookshanks, who had been dozing and missed my arrival, awoke with a start and stared at me sleepily and confused. I smiled at him, inviting him over with a coo and a gesture, and he complied after a feline pause for dignity's sake. I just had to cuddle someone, to feel another living being after this wild afternoon.

"You know, my sweet kitty," I murmured into his soft fur, "there is a whole world out there, waiting for the two of us. Aren't you eager to go out and see what it holds for us, too ?"

He purred, which was all the answer I needed.


End file.
